Depression: It's Nothing to be Ashamed of

I think that if I were to list off some of the descriptors that my friends have for me they would probably include words like - energetic, intense, ridiculous, extroverted, caring, annoying, loud, stubborn, headstrong, and passionate. Four or five of my very close friends would say "he can get down occasionally" and perhaps only my wife would describe me as a person who struggles with depression. But the truth is, I do. I struggle with depression.

Today (November 4th 2014) I have been struggling with an especially difficult bout of depression. For me depression comes in a multitude of ways. Sometimes it comes on suddenly and inexplicably like a tornado, and other times it builds slowly like a hurricane - I can see it slowly growing off the shore of my emotional island. I feel it growing and can identify it moving toward me. I am helpless to stop it, to avoid it. I know that the island of my mind is pulling this hurricane like a gigantic depression magnet. It's really frustrating.

Today was a hurricane day.

Throughout the day I felt this depressive storm front building and inexorably moving toward me. It all came to a head while I was standing in line at Safeway purchasing lunch for me and my wife. The inexplicable, unaccounted for pain, grief, fear, frustration, and...well...depression, landed upon the shore of my mind. The type of depression that I struggle with is situational, caused by a whole slew of things, and is typically manageable. It gets hairy when I don't recognize the warning signs - and try to continuously push through it without managing it properly. There are many people who experience it far more poignantly than I do. Who are powerless to avoid it when it comes.

So I'm standing there in line at Safeway, and tears begin to run down my cheeks. I'm kind of surprised at first, I don't always cry when I'm experience a "depressive spell." Most of the time I end up going numb. I only noticed that I was crying this time as I felt one of the tears drop onto my hand. I looked down at it and slowly raised a hand to my cheek and slowly wiped my tears away. I was in the only open line at Safeway and it was surprisingly busy. 

My usual reaction when I begin crying in public is to be ashamed, this only makes the depression worse as I try and hide what's happening to me. I get furious at myself. I mean, I'm a 30 year old man, crying inexplicably in public. What must these people think of me?! Well, today as the tears rolled down my cheeks and splashed upon the tiled Safeway floor I decided to stop being ashamed. I didn't ask for this condition. I didn't do anything to bring these storms upon myself, they are just a part of who I am, of what I am. I believe that someday I will be freed from them, but until I am I will not spend another minute amplifying that pain through feelings of shame for something that I can't control any more than I can control the elements themselves.

While this realization didn't mitigate in any measure the pain that I was feeling, it completely bypassed the usual deepening of depression that accompanies the shame of it. That, in and of itself, was a relief from depression. It made me realize something that I had always known logically, but hadn't actually admitted in my heart, and believed; it's OK to experience depression.

It's important for me to explain something here that those who don't experience depression won't understand. Depression is not feeling sorry for yourself. It is not looking at your life and thinking "man I wish things were different." It is not something that can be fixed through "counting your blessings" or comparing your life with the lives of those that have it worse and saying "see, I don't have it that bad." If that were the case I would never be depressed because I have a wonderful life. I have a beautiful wife who I love with all of my heart. I have an almost eighteen month old daughter who lightens every single day simply by being alive. I have a good job, and I get to serve some amazing young people at my church as a seminary teacher. My life is full and amazing.

Depression doesn't care how great your life is. It reaches out and rips your face off no matter how wonderful things are.

This very thing is actually one way that depression really harms people. It makes them ashamed for feeling depressed. "You have no right to be depressed!" It yells at you. As you try and talk to your friends who have no idea what depression is like about your depression they have no idea how to respond. Some may tell you to get over it. Others will laugh it off. Some people will tell you how hard some other people have it and think that this will help you to get through it. Still others will tell you to "get help" and even encourage you to take drugs. All of these responses are typical of people who have never experienced depression. They don't know how to handle it.

The truth is, and I'll say it again, it's OK to experience depression the same way it's OK to have a hangnail or a stubbed toe or a toothache.

What's not OK is to allow depression to define you. It is when you stop saying "today was a depressed day" and start saying "I am depressed." Let me rephrase this, it's when we begin to think "I am depressed all of the time" that we let depression become who we are, instead of something that we endure. Just as you can do things to protect yourself from the real storms of life, even the most horrible ones, you can also do things to prepare yourself from the depressive storms of life that come. You can build your own mental and spiritual "tornado shelter" that will help you when the storms come. Above all don't use your depression as a crutch to justify negative behavior such as alcoholism, drug abuse, or interpersonal abuse. If you are experiencing any of these then have the courage to seek help. If you don't know where to turn - well - you've read this blog, and should talk to me. I won't be your counselor, but I'll point you in the direction of one.

Everyone experiences depression differently. It comes and goes in different ways, at different times, and is caused by diverse things. I am in no way attempting to speak for all of those that are depressed, but trying to help those that are depressed to understand that there is no reason for you to be ashamed for feeling the way that you do. I also want to invite you, if you haven't found anyone to share it with, to find someone that you trust. Find someone who will listen to you (and not gloss over your feelings in the ways that I listed above). You should not have to experience depression for one second longer by yourself. I'm not asking you to "come out" as someone with depression, but to find someone who can help you shoulder the load.

This is also an invitation to all of my friends who don't experience depression to learn more about it. I hope that reading my experiences will help you to be a little more compassionate, and a little less judgmental towards those that you know who face depression.

Hey Christians (Yes members of the LDS Church too), Stop Passing Judgment on People, it's getting Old

I doubt that any of my friends have this opinion, being exposed to my news stream and blog and notes, but IF any of my Christian friends still think that Mormon's aren't Christian and ALSO feel justified in "judging" members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as going to hell for not believing in Christ I have a logic problem for you. This logic problem really applies any time anyone feels justified in passing "salvation judgment" upon others.

1) Jesus Christ said in Matthew 7:1; Judge not that ye be not judged.

Now this is serious stuff my friends. If you judge others as "not being Christian" you are taking one of the roles of God upon yourself, and one that He is very jealous of.

2) He says in Matthew 6:15; But if ye forgive men not their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

He is very serious about who is allowed to judge. This doesn't mean don't make decisions, and don't make good decisions, but it does mean that you and I have absolutely no right or ability to pass judgement on others' salvation.

3) In Matthew 7:2 he continues with: For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall also be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Do we really understand what is being said here? Honestly and completely? So here is the end of the logic problem:

1) If a person believes in their very heart and soul that they can decide who is and isn't a Christian and pass judgment upon the supposed non-Christian that they are going to hell

2) That person will be judged in that very same way by Christ, "for with what judgement ye judge, ye shall also be judged..."

In other words, be very careful before you try and tell others that they are going to hell, or that they are not Christian, because Christ is very clear about how He will deal with those that are so prideful as to believe that they can judge His children.

Suicide, Bravery, and the Categorical Imperative

Recently I read a blog post by Matt Walsh seen here; http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/there-is-nothing-brave-about-suicide/

It really got me thinking; is there anything brave about suicide?

I think back on cultures that have accepted suicide as a viable option. The first one that comes to mind is the Japanese form of Bushido, aka "the samurai way." Bushido code was a standard of living that the samurai had to live by. It was based in honor and loyalty. One rite within Bushido is seppuku. If a samurai were to lose his honor, the only way to regain that honor was to commit ritual suicide, or seppuku. A samurai could lose his honor through various means such as being defeated in battle, being mortally wounded, or allowing his master to be killed.

In other words, seppuku was a form of human sacrifice to appease the "god" of honor. Honor had been lost, and the only way to regain honor was through the human sacrifice of the dishonored.

In American culture I feel that there are mixed opinions on this idea of seppuku. While we glorify it in books and movies, we at the same time wholeheartedly reject it in practical application. If we didn't, then there are a few secret service operatives who would be on the chopping block right now (no that isn't meant to be funny, it's meant to state a fact. Those guys have dishonored themselves, their profession, and their commander-in-chief. If we actually embraced ritual suicide for dishonor, they would be top candidates).

So no, we don't embrace seppuku as an honorable form of suicide.

I'm reminded of the Kamikaze fighters during World War II. We feared them, we respected the damage they could do, but we dismissed them wholesale as ridiculous both strategically, and honorably. There is no honor in flying a plane into the side of a ship. There is no honor in becoming a human torpedo.

There are a few instances of "suicide" that seem to be appropriate even today, and those come in the form of intentional martyrdom, specifically martyrs who knew that they were going to die. I think of movies that depict men and women fighting honorably for a cause, and facing certain destruction they still fight on to the bitter end. I'm reminded of some of my favorite movies such as Gladiator, V for Vendetta, Armageddon, and The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. There are many more besides these, but the underlying idea behind all of these is dying for someone else. In every instance, those that die do so in pursuit of something greater than themselves. We accept these individuals as hero's and I personally feel that we are right in doing so.

In all of this, where does Brittany Maynard fit in? For those of you that don't know, Brittany Maynard is a woman who has chosen to take her own life in the face of extremely difficult circumstances. She has been diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer that would require extreme treatment for a very small chance of extending her life. She and her husband moved to Oregon because of its doctor assisted suicide laws, and she was prescribed a pill that she is planning on taking at the end of the month.

I was first apprised of this story by an article on Facebook by CNN. Throughout the article Brittany's decision was not treated as controversial; rather, she was shown as being a brave woman who is choosing to take control of how she is going to die. I read the comments about her and by and large there has been a positive response to her decision. When I say positive I don't mean comments like "I can't imagine going through what you are going through and respect your decision to take your own life" I mean "you are so brave for this, thank you."

Let me be clear with this statement; I am not trying to judge Brittany's decision to commit suicide. I am however questioning the logic behind stating that her decision to commit suicide is brave.

I think of all of the cultural ideals that we have about suicide. We repeat phrases like "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" but of course that statement doesn't quite work for Brittany's situation does it-because her "problem" is anything but temporary.

Let's look at it another way. Where do we draw the line between bravery, and cowardice. If a father of a family becomes an alcoholic and makes some bad decisions then commits suicide instead of facing his problems and overcoming them, we consider it cowardice. I'll ask it again-when does suicide tip from being cowardice, to being noble and brave? Does a permanent medical condition suffice? For instance, I have a permanent foot defect. I will never be able to run, jump, swim, kick, or do anything else with my feet that anyone else can do, yet I would say that if I were to commit suicide because I will always struggle with my feet that people would not consider this to be noble. I am NOT comparing my condition with Brittany's, I'm trying to figure out where the line is drawn.

What about every other person out there that has been diagnosed with a permanent medical condition that will result in death. What about those diagnosed with MS? What about those as Matt Walsh spoke of who are diagnosed with a similar condition as Brittany's and choose to fight to the bitter end? Are they less noble? Is it possible to consider both of these brave, when they seem so diametrically opposed?

Let's go back to the earlier examples of "noble" suicide, the martyrs. In every instance of martyrdom that I can think of - those who fought knowing that they couldn't possibly win - they go down fighting. They fight to the bitter end. They never stop, until their last breath, because what they are fighting for is so vitally important.

Brittany isn't doing this. She isn't going down fighting.

She's giving up.

Now, she's giving up "on her own terms," but she's still giving up.

It reminds me of watching a basketball game where one team is very clearly beating the other, and you see defeat in the eyes of the losing team. They continue to play, but for all intents and purposes they have given up. I compare that basketball game with a team that is losing, they are simply outclassed, and there is no way that they could possibly win, but they play the entire game as if they could. They fight to the very end and play their very best. Ninety nine times out of a hundred these teams still lose, but they are more enjoyable to watch, they are truly brave. And then, once in every hundred, they win. We call them underdogs, and we love underdogs in our culture.

Brittany is not an underdog. If she takes this pill, she has no chance of possibly winning, and she has no chance of fighting to the very end. She just gives up. She's the basketball team that is losing, sees defeat, and gives up. I mean, imagine if all basketball teams, once they were behind by fifty points, just walked off the court.

This all boils down for me to one last principle; and that is the categorical imperative. Immanuel Kant proposed a standard of living that sounds similar to that of the "golden rule" aka do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think of the categorical imperative as the golden rule on steroids. It goes like this: "act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become universal law." Let me put it in other terms, do only those things that you would require everyone else to do. The idea behind the categorical imperative is that if everyone lived by these ideals, everyone would be better off. We would never steal, because if I steal, I would require everyone else to steal, even from me. We would never rape, because if I raped, I would require everyone else to rape, including rape me. These are extreme examples but if we as a species would live by the categorical imperative, we would always treat each other well.

So what does Brittany's decision mean for the categorical imperative? Well, by committing suicide because she is facing terminal brain cancer, she would be willing that everyone else commit suicide when facing terminal brain cancer. Now I ask you-if tomorrow every single person on the face of the earth that has a terminal form of cancer decided to commit suicide at the end of this month, would we applaud them as brave? Or would we call them something else?

That is the question that I really want to ask. That is what this boils down to. Is Brittany really brave for choosing death over life? I don't think so. I don't believe that she is being brave. I do believe that she has free will, and what she chooses with her own life is for her and her alone. I will say that her decision to commit suicide should not classified as brave. Not mentally, emotionally...not even logically.

Rise; Never Back Down

I wrote this poem for a talk that I gave in church on Easter Sunday. Wanted to have it in an easy to access location.

Rise, Never Back Down

Kneeling in the garden He bends beneath the massive weight

My sin, My guilt, My shame. My pain, My suffering, My sorrow.

He rises, He does not back down

He bleeds from every pore.

They spit upon Him. They curse His name. They condemn Him to die

He rises, He does not back down.

They place the cross upon His shoulders,

Blood and sweat course down His body

He rises, He does not back down.

They nail his hands and feet to the cross

.

He asks His father to forgive them.

He rises, He does not back down.

The stone rolls away from the tomb, He is not here

He is risen!

He has never backed down.

Now He calls to me, he has felt my pain.

He knows, more than any other, the grief that 

I bear

He whispers; Rise! Don’t back down.

He watches as I stumble and fall, time and again.

As I make the same mistakes over and over.

He whispers; Rise! Don’t Back Down.

No matter what I do, no matter where I go

Still he is there, beside me, all around me calling me to join him, to

Rise; Never Back Down!

The "Ignore It" Principle; Honest Communication; Establishing a Household of Faith

I want to start out by describing some hypothetical scenarios that I have observed, examined, or studied throughout my life. Many of these scenarios I have seen in case studies and then found similar experiences in the lives of people that I know. All of these stories are strictly hypothetical, and if they seem to describe a situation you are in please do not take it personally as I am not attempting to point out anyone's follies or foibles (except perhaps my own). My hope and prayer is that the stories and experiences I share here will assist others in establishing healthier relationships. Much of what I say here is directed specifically at members of the LDS Church, but I believe the information contained herein is valid for everyone regardless of race, religion, or social position and standing.

I'm just going to dive right into the topic with a question;

Why is it so difficult to actually say what we really mean and feel?

I'm not just talking about negative things, but positive things as well. This has been a subject of some frustration for me over the past many years; a near refusal to be honest in our communication with each other. I will seek to answer this question through my own and others experiences. Over the next few weeks or months (depending on my schedule etc.) I'm going to discuss a few principles that I feel contribute to the destruction of the family. We know that the adversary is attacking the family and I believe that one of his greatest goals is to keep us from communicating. If he can break down the lines of communication within families he's most of the way to accomplishing his goals. Hopefully some of these ideas will be of assistance in protecting and opening lines of communication.

The "Ignore It" Principle

The first reason I believe that we don't talk about things openly is what I call the "ignore it" principle. I also called it the "sweep it under the rug" principle. The name comes from the idea that if we ignore it the problem will just go away. This can be an appropriate way of dealing with difficult situations. The idea that we "shouldn't sweat the small stuff" has very real validity. For example, when I first began serving as a missionary I had a companion who was very different from me. He had some weird habits that just rubbed me the wrong way. I sought the Lord's guidance through prayer, scripture study, and meditation, and the answer I received was just that; focus on the things that really matter, don't sweat the small stuff. This has been a great boon to my marriage. The problem that arises with the "don't sweat the small stuff" principle is when we start to think that "it's all small stuff" and we begin ignoring the major stuff.

For example, when I'm doing something really difficult, like in Army training when I'm rucking in the woods through miles of difficult terrain and it's hot and I'm tired, I don't "sweat the small stuff" like aching muscles or sore feet and shoulders. These are to be expected, they come with the territory. As I begin to feel hot spots on my feet; however, it's a good idea to address those or I may be taken out of commission by painful blisters later on. Even worse; if I'm not drinking enough water, if I'm not staying hydrated, I may end up suffering from a serious condition that could lead to hospitalization and even death.

This is analogous to what I see occurring in so many families.

I've seen it in families where there are many introverted personalities. To an introvert, confrontation can be not only difficult, but down right terrifying. Great lengths will be gone to in order to avoid confrontation. This means that when confrontation comes, if we just put our heads in the sand and ignore it, it will probably pass. The "ignore it" principle is not only experienced by introverts, however. It is a pattern of living that often seems to be passed down from generations just as many good or bad communication methods are. Two extremely extroverted individuals can fall into the trap as a defense mechanism against hurting the other person, and introvert/extrovert personalities are easily affected, as the extrovert overpowers the introvert.

Here are some brief examples:
1. There is a large extended family that has been in the church for generations. The grandparents (or great grandparents as the case may be) have 5 or 6 children. Of those children, one has wandered and strayed from the Gospel. That child and their children now cause no end of frustration for the rest of the family. Nobody talks about it. It is never addressed. Feelings are hurt and dissension builds. It's easier to "just ignore it."

2. A young woman is raised in an active family, but experiences abuse from her mentally challenged older siblings and father. They are "high functioning" but still harsh and difficult to live with. She learns to be quiet in nearly all social situations in order to stay safe and keep her opinion from being trampled on. Later in life she has children and teaches them to do the same. She has a loving family, but they have been taught to hide their feelings and opinions in order to protect themselves. When they experience things that get them angry or frustrated in their relationships they try to "ignore it" because it is safer.

3. A young man is raised in an active household. He's noticed throughout his life that his parents don't seem to be as happy as some of his friends parents. They have never really talked about their issues. He is shy and quiet, and marries someone who is on the extreme end of extroverted. She clashes heavily with his parents. He wants to talk to them about these issues, but they refuse to discuss things. In fact, as his extroverted wife tries to push a conversation it ends up blowing up in her face, followed by being shunned at future family gatherings. Still no meaningful conversation occurs. At family gatherings there is a constant tension, but every "just ignores it" because to do otherwise is not proper.

4. An extroverted man marries an introverted woman. They are active members of the church, doing what they feel is right. She feels like her opinion is never heard, he feels like her opinion is never voiced. Rather than talk about these things, they just keep pushing forward. They don't know how to broach such a subject and besides, it's no big deal. This pattern continues to build over the course of many years until one day she erupts at him. He feels that she needs to speak up more, she feels that he needs to listen. Or worse yet, they continue like this for twenty years, until she eventually leaves him, or they continue like this throughout their entire marriage, until she hates him, and he despises her.

5. Two good parents have four children, two in high school, one on a mission, and one is married. Their children have been good, faithful members of the church. Their youngest is beginning to rebel and they are kind of running out of steam. They live close to many family and friends who are more than willing to help, but their need to be independent keeps them from seeking the help they need. Nobody talks about it. In fact, they don't even talk about their struggles with each other, or with the child who is acting out. They "ignore it" hoping that if they continue to be righteous that "everything will work out in the end."

There are many other scenarios that lead to the "ignore it" principle, I have listed only a few and they are very brief. As you may be able to tell the "ignore it" principle is also compounded by many other personal or societal issues; but addressing those would require an entire book and what's interesting is that we don't have to start with addressing those issues in order to begin addressing the "ignore it" principle. In fact, addressing the "ignore it" principle can begin the path to healing from many of these other issues.

Contributing Factors:

There are some contributing factors to the "ignore it" principle that I have discovered over the  years and simply realizing these can help along the path to establishing healthy communication. The first one I want to discuss is the mentality that "this is just how things are."

1. This is just how things are: The idea that "this is just how things are" is a false one, and I believe a lie straight from hell. In the April 2014 Priesthood session of General Conference Elder Donald L. Hallstrom of the Seventy spoke about the mentality that we cannot change. He shared the story of a man who had a bad temper. This individuals mentality was that "I have a bad temper, and that’s just the way I am!” Elder Hallstrom goes on to explain that this mentality is damning. Whenever we think "that's just the way I am" we are basically denying the atonement of Christ. I want to take this one step further;

If we are convinced that our marriages, or familial relationships are miserable and something to be endured or suffered through because that is simply "the way they are" we are wrong and have been deceived by the devil. We read in he book of Mormon that "...men are that they might have joy." (2Ne 2:25) Our family relationships are supposed to be joyous and fulfilling. There is this idea I feel among people that "if we can just struggle through this life then we will have happiness in the eternities." My good brothers and sisters, if you aren't happy with your spouse in this life what makes you think that somehow you'll be happy forever?

2. Endure to the End (in the wrong way): The "this is just how things are" is closely tied to "let's not talk about it, and just muscle through until the eternities" idea; also known as Endure to the End (in the wrong way). There is a lot of emphasis in the church placed on Endure to the End, which is as it should be. As members we don't stop trying to be like Jesus after we accept Him as our personal Savior and Redeemer. Striving to be like him is one of our great goals. The EttE mentality is a wonderful one when correctly applied. When incorrectly applied, however, it can be extremely damaging and harmful. When our marriages or family relationships become something that we just have to "muscle through" until the next life, we are missing out on wonderful opportunities now, and may be robbing ourselves of eternal joy with the ones we love.

3. If I ignore it, it will go away: Another contributing factor is the idea that "if I ignore it, it will go away." When did ignoring a broken arm fix the broken arm? Similarly ignoring broken communication only makes it worse. It exacerbates the problem until it becomes a festering wound that can kill the relationship. As stated earlier some things can and should be ignored. It's up to the individual couple or family to find out what those things are; but if you are never discussing those things that bother you, it will be impossible to correctly establish where those lines lie.

4. Putting on blinders: Then there is the problem of putting blinders on. Everyone knows the parents who act like their children are perfect. They're constantly talking about how great they are. Their lawns are often perfectly manicured, they drive nice cars and live in nice houses. Everything is perfect. To the outside world, and often in their relationships, nothing negative is ever spoken of. It's as though speaking about the things that frustrate or hurt them will break the perfect porcelain doll life that has been established. Blinders are good for horses, they are not good for people. Eventually that porcelain doll is going to take a blow, and it will be shattered.

Often these breakdowns in communication last for months, years, and decades. Some people never find the courage, strength, or resources to address them. Instead they struggle through life becoming ever increasingly angry and bitter. Eventually at times the frustration mounts to the point where there is an eruption, and a once beautiful and healthy relationship is destroyed in a volcano of anger and grief. At other times, the spouse or child who is being marginalized just leaves. They stop loving the other person or people, and they quit pursuing a relationship. No matter what, refusing to communicate will result in the destruction of the family. Imagine applying these scenarios, or any of the countless others like them, to our relationships with Heavenly Father. Could you imagine living in such a relationship with Heavenly Father for eternity? How then could we exist in this type of relationship with our families for eternity?

Overcoming the "ignore it" principle

So how do we overcome this problem? Well, we start by talking about it. Here are a few idea's that may help:

1. Conduct Companionship Inventory: Preach My Gospel is an amazing resource not only for missionary work, but for life. As a missionary I served in various capacities and was able to work with many different missionaries. In my two years as a missionary I came to see a serious difference between those companionship's that took companionship inventory seriously, and those that didn't.

"13. Conduct companionship inventory. At the end of your weekly planning session, share with your companion appropriate goals, and ask for his or her help to accomplish them. Discuss the strength of your relationship with your companion. Discuss any challenges that may be keeping your companionship from working in unity or from being obedient. Resolve conflicts. Share with your companion what you think his or her strengths are. Ask for suggestions on how you can improve. If needed, set goals that will improve your relationship. Conclude with prayer. (Preach My Gospel, Chapter 8, How Do I Use Time Wisely?)

As I implemented Companionship Inventory on my mission, I came to find that I was far more in-tune with the needs of my companion. The synergy that we experienced was stronger, and we were more able to accomplish our goals and aspirations as missionaries. We were more in tune with the Gospel. After my mission as I began to date my wife we discussed this idea, and decided to put it into practice. After a while it became a pattern of living. I am what some would consider an extreme extrovert. My wife is on the extreme end of introvert. I come from an abusive background and am a convert. My wife comes from a loving long-time member household. We were primed from the start practically to fall prey to the "ignore it" principle. I consider Companionship Inventory to be one of the main factors of our marriage that has helped us to avoid falling into this trap.

2. Talk about your feelings regularly, and not just the negative ones. Let your spouse know when you're happy, when you're sad. Make it clear when their actions are causing these emotions, and when they aren't. Help that other person know and understand why you are feeling the way that you are. When your spouse or significant other is depressed or sad, don't take it personally. Love them, be there for them, and don't assume that you are the problem or the solution. Listen when the other person needs to talk. If you are the dominant one, or if you both are dominant, listen. Just be quiet, and be present.

3. Don't assume that your children are too young to understand these principles. Once your children are capable of having conversation-even basic conversation-they are ready to be included in family companionship inventory. This doesn't mean that once a week you have a structured comp inventory as you would on the mission, but it does mean that you are regularly and frequently discussing those things that are contained within comp inventory. A good time to establish this at first would be in Family Home Evening. This also does not negate the importance of having separate talks and discussions with your spouse, because there are inevitably going to be things that you will discuss with them that you probably shouldn't discuss in front of your children.

4. Be Honest with your Words. This is extremely important when getting over ignoring it. Don't make people guess at the meanings behind your words, and don't hide behind what you think are your intentions. When you say something, mean it, own it. Be clear in what you say. If you are asked whether or not you want to do something, don't use a tone of voice that says no, but words that say yes. Don't expect your significant other to guess what you think or what you feel. Don't fall into the trap of "it means more when I don't have to ask" and don't assume that just because you have similar personalities, or because you think you know what they like, that you can make important decisions without their input. This will help you avoid the "but this is what I meant" arguments that come from "ignoring it" blow ups. Be honest with your words.

In Conclusion

I have yet to find anyone that doesn't suffer from some level of the "ignore it" principle. Even though we established the practice of comp inventory early in our marriage, "ignoring it" is still something that bites us occasionally. In 100% of relationships that I have personally seen this has been a problem to some degree or another. If you're reading this and dismissing it out of hand - then you are probably affected by it. If you read this and feel that you're already aware of it and working on it, then awesome. The "ignore it" principle is one that can be dealt with; we just need to be able and willing to communicate and be in harmony with each other. As we establish the ability to be open and honest and work towards harmony in our relationships we will feel greater love and joy with those that we care about. I sincerely hope that those that read this will find greater happiness in their relationships and tools that will help them to thwart the adversary as he tries to bind our tongues and keep us from having eternal families.

Why I'm a Mormon; A Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I remember when I first began looking into the church that I am now a member of. I was sixteen years old, a junior in high school. For years I had been attending Wood Village Baptist Church (which is kind of ironic, since I live only sixty seconds from there now). I had known from a very young age that Jesus is real, and my personal Savior and Redeemer. I had read my Bible, and thought I understood it pretty well for a 16 year old. I had a few Mormon friends who never tried to push me towards their faith. Rather, I would try to push them towards mine. I was taught that Mormon's didn't believe that Jesus Christ was their Savior, and that they were consequently going to hell. This really concerned me, because one of my best friends in particular was Mormon, so I would invite him to our activities often in the hopes that he would be "saved." He would come nearly every time I invited him. He would invite me to his activities, and my parents would respond with a resounding NO. In fact, I wasn't even allowed to go over to his house until I was in high school, even though I had known him since we were both twelve.

So about four years pass with us being friends, and we have a lot of all-nighters. Unlike most kids that play video games and eat pizza we would make sushi and have religious and philosophical discussions. We were weird, I know. I should probably mention at this point that I was an extremely angry, troubled young person who did terribly bad in school. I would eventually barely graduate with a mere 2.5 GPA. I was scatterbrained, and I had absolutely no visions of attending college. In fact, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I thought that perhaps I would become a youth pastor of some sorts, or more likely enlist in the Marines or the Army.

Anyway, a few years passed like this, and eventually Matt offered me a copy of the Book of Mormon. I thought I knew what this book was all about, that it was written by some man named Joe Smith who claimed to be a prophet, but who was probably deceived by the devil. Honestly it scared me. I loved and respected Matt, so I didn't throw the book away, but I certainly wasn't going to read it. Instead, I put it in the bottom of my sock drawer, and tried to forget it existed.

Over the next year or so Matt would occasionally ask if I had read it. My response was always the same, "I don't have time." He would nod and say he understood. He never pushed me. In fact, he would usually only bring it up when I would try and argue with him about his religion. "Have you read the Book of Mormon and asked God if it is true?" I would say no and then he would say something like "well I have, and I know it's true. Until you've found out for yourself you can't really argue with me."

Junior year came, and Aaron, Matt's older brother, was preparing to serve as a missionary for his church. He would come to the school every day and give a bunch of us rides home. He had been picked on a lot during his years in high school, but I really admired and respected him. As we were walking towards the car, Matt Aaron and I, Aaron looked over at me and said "Matt gave you a copy of the Book of Mormon right?" Matt looked at Aaron like he was an alien. I responded that yes he had. He then asked "have you read from it yet?" Matt's eyes were getting bigger, I said that no I hadn't had time. He asked me "what are you doing tomorrow?" Now Matt was really surprised...I imagine he was thinking "what are you doing to my friend?!" I said nothing. Aaron then asked me if I would come over after school and read the Book of Mormon with them. To this day I don't know what brought about my response, I heard myself say "sure." I think Matt almost got whiplash as his head snapped from looking at Aaron, to looking at me surprise written all over his face.

When I got home from class that day I went into my bedroom, and found my copy of the Book of Mormon. I quietly put it into my backpack. I offered a heartfelt prayer that night that God wouldn't let me be led astray. That He would watch over me, and let me know if this book was actually from Him, or from some other source. I could hardly sleep that night. The next day was one of the longest of my life. Class was even more boring than usual. I could barely focus. All I could think about was that copy of the Book of Mormon in my backpack.

After class we went over to Matt and Aaron's house. We knelt down and Matt offered a prayer asking God to reveal to us whether or not the Book of Mormon was true. I was impressed that he didn't pray that God would reveal to me that the Book of Mormon WAS true, but that he prayed that we would all know whether or not, if it was or if it wasn't. I had a warmth wash over me then that I had only felt a few times before in very specific circumstances and had come to identify as the presence of the Holy Spirit. We started by reading from the end of the Book of Mormon, which I found curious, but now completely understand it. The last prophet to write in the Book of Mormon is named Moroni, and he wrote a promise that is unique in my experience to only this book. I will quote it here:

"Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the Children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye should ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."
-Moroni Chapter 10:3-5
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/10?lang=eng

After reading these few verses, we discussed it shortly, then went to the beginning of the Book, and started into it. We read quite a few chapters that day (I think that Aaron still remembers how many we read, I just remember having this continuous feeling of joy, peace, and warmth. I knew that day that God had answered my prayer, that the Book of Mormon was true, and that knowledge absolutely terrified me. You see, I liked my life. Sure I wasn't going anywhere, but I was comfortable. I knew how my parents felt about other religions, they were extremely vehement and open in their feelings about other churches. I knew that this knowledge was going to change my life, and I didn't want to accept the answer that I had received.

I continued to read and pray, hoping that I would get a different answer, but I couldn't deny it. Every time I would read and genuinely pray the answer would come. Yes, this is true. Eventually I "accepted my fate" as it were. After a few months I got up the courage to let my parents know. I took my mom aside one night and told her "I've been reading the Book of Mormon, I've prayed to know that it's true, and God has answered my prayer. Because of that I believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and that I need to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

I won't give you all of the details of what ensued following this conversation as I've written that information elsewhere. What I will say is that after a few months of arguing, I ended up moving out, just after my 17th birthday. A year later, on my 18th birthday, I was baptized.

You'll remember that I said earlier that I was a troubled child. I barely graduated. I wish that I could say that my conversion to the Gospel of Christ as taught by the LDS Church was immediate, that my life instantly changed. I wish that I could say that I went from being an angry, hurting (both myself and others) person to a loving, caring, devoted child of God, but I didn't. In fact, not long after my baptism, I got worse. I "went off the deep end" so to speak. I hurt a lot of people very deeply.

So why do I talk about this when my post is about why I'm a Mormon? It's because of the contrast that I have experienced in my life since coming to know that the Book of Mormon is true, and choosing to become a member of the LDS Church. I have experienced both the dark (before I became a member) the really dark (after I became a member and chose to not live the teachings I had been taught and believed) and the light, and many shades of gray as I've gone up and down in my walk with Christ since that time.

You see, I'm happier now than I've ever been before, and that happiness continues to increase. Because of my membership in the LDS Church I have been able to serve as a missionary. For two years, twenty four hours a day seven days a week except when I was sleeping all I thought about was serving God and my fellow human beings. That experience changed me. Most of my life prior had been focused entirely on me, my needs, my wants. I came to really learn that serving others is truly Christlike, and brings about more joy than any amount of seeking it for yourself.

I prayed on my mission to know what God would have me do. I figured I would move back to Oregon, and go to school there. Instead I was very clearly directed to move to Utah, and attend school there. I knew only a handful of people in the state, and had no idea how I would pay for schooling, or anything for that matter. A string of "amazing coincidences" that I like to call miracles proceeded to occur and everything worked out. I received a full ride scholarship, found gainful employment, and a place to live.

Most importantly, I met the woman who would become my eternal companion. You see, as a member of the LDS Church I don't believe that marriage is "until death do ye part." I believe that marriage can be eternal, but only if one is married in the proper pattern, that is "sealed" in one of the temples. Kaija and I were sealed on January 2nd, 2009 in the Salt Lake City Utah temple. That was one of the happiest days of my life. Five and a half years later and I love her more today than I did then.

Since then I've received a bachelors degree with a 3.5 GPA, have become a 1st Lieutenant in the United States Army as a Chaplain Candidate, and currently hold a 3.9 GPA in my Masters Degree. I'm the Vice President of Cascade German Parts/Cascade Auto Parts/Bora Parts Inc., and have a 14 month old daughter who is the light of my life.

I list off these accomplishments not to say how wonderful I am, but to say how wonderful God is, and why I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. When asked how one could identify a true or a false prophet in the New Testament Jesus responded by saying:

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (Matthew 7:16-20, italics added for emphasis)

My initial acceptance of the LDS Church was through an overwhelming sense of peace, love, and joy. A good fruit. My life since then, when I have lived according to the things that I know to be true, is one giant fruit tree. Everything good in my life is the direct result of my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

This isn't to say that my life is all ease and plenty. On the contrary, it's extremely difficult. I still struggle every day with the sins of my past, old addictions trying to creep back up and rob me of my joy, and just general bone-headed mistakes. I'm fallible, weak, and I really struggle with my weight, and depression. I'm a normal human being. But my life is infinitely better because of the LDS Church, because I'm a Mormon. I love this church. It is not without its faults. I do have questions that I continue to earnestly seek answers for, and believe that they will be answered in time.

If you are seeking more joy, more peace, more success, and more work (yes, lots and lots of work, but I promise this is a good thing) in your life, then please, do what I did. Read the Book of Mormon. Take Moroni's challenge. Ask me questions. I want everyone to feel the joy that I have felt. I promise you that if you will follow this pattern, that your life will-eventually-be better than you ever imagined. It won't be immediate, it took me a very long time of trudging through difficulty and heartache as I aligned myself with the Gospel of Christ, but I know that it will come.

The Priesthood is the Power of God; Given to those that He Chooses (and we don't know why)

This topic was brought up again on Facebook today, so I thought that I'd copy my note over here so it's easy to access.

I ask only that you read the entire message before passing judgment.

At the risk of persecution from my brothers and sisters that I love dearly, I submit that I can 100% have faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ as restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith, believe that the Quorum of the 12 Apostles are all divinely inspired prophets, seers, and revelators, sustain them in their roles, disagree with some of their views as to who will and who won't hold the priesthood, and still have the potential to receive celestial glory.

To support this feeling, I would reference another group of individuals who were kept from holding the priesthood of God for decades. Here are some quotes relating to this;

The first is from Elder Mark E. Peterson, a member of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, Race Problems -- As They Affect The Church; Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah, August 27, 1954.

The reason that one would lose his blessings by marrying a Negro is due to the restriction placed upon them. "No person having the least particle of Negro blood can hold the Priesthood" (Brigham Young). It does not matter if they are one-sixth Negro or one-hundred and sixth, the curse of no Priesthood is the same. If an individual who is entitled to the Priesthood marries a Negro, the Lord has decreed that only spirits who are not eligible for the Priesthood will come to that marriage as children. To intermarry with a Negro is to forfeit a "Nation of Priesthood holders"....

The discussion on civil rights, especially over the last 20 years, has drawn some very sharp lines. It has blinded the thinking of some of our own people, I believe. They have allowed their political affiliations to color their thinking to some extent, and then, of course, they have been persuaded by some of the arguments that have been put forth....We who teach in the Church certainly must have our feet on the ground and not to be led astray by the philosophies of men on this subject....

I think I have read enough to give you an idea of what the Negro is after. He is not just seeking the opportunity of sitting down in a cafe where white people eat. He isn't just trying to ride on the same streetcar or the same Pullman car with white people. It isn't that he just desires to go to the same theater as the white people. From this, and other interviews I have read, it appears that the Negro seeks absorption with the white race. He will not be satisfied until he achieves it by intermarriage. That is his objective and we must face it. We must not allow our feelings to carry us away, nor must we feel so sorry for Negroes that we will open our arms and embrace them with everything we have. Remember the little statement that we used to say about sin, "First we pity, then endure, then embrace"....

Now let's talk about segregation again for a few moments. Was segregation a wrong principle? When the Lord chose the nations to which the spirits were to come, determining that some would be Japanese and some would be Chinese and some Negroes and some Americans, He engaged in an act of segregation....

When he told Enoch not preach the gospel to the descendants of Cain who were black, the Lord engaged in segregation. When He cursed the descendants of Cain as to the Priesthood, He engaged in segregation....

Who placed the Negroes originally in darkest Africa? Was it some man, or was it God? And when He placed them there, He segregated them....

The Lord segregated the people both as to blood and place of residence. At least in the cases of the Lamanites and the Negro we have the definite word of the Lord Himself that he placed a dark skin upon them as a curse -- as a punishment and as a sign to all others. He forbade intermarriage with them under threat of extension of the curse. And He certainly segregated the descendants of Cain when He cursed the Negro as to the Priesthood, and drew an absolute line. You may even say He dropped an Iron curtain there....

Now we are generous with the Negro. We are willing that the Negro have the highest education. I would be willing to let every Negro drive a Cadillac if they could afford it. I would be willing that they have all the advantages they can get out of life in the world. But let them enjoy these things among themselves. I think the Lord segregated the Negro and who is man to change that segregation? It reminds me of the scripture on marriage, "what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Only here we have the reverse of the thing -- what God hath separated, let not man bring together again."

Think of the Negro, cursed as to the priesthood.... This Negro, who, in the pre-existence lived the type of life which justified the Lord in sending him to the earth in their lineage of Cain with a black skin, and possibly being born in darkest Africa--if that Negro is willing when he hears the gospel to accept it, he may have many of the blessings of the gospel. In spite of all he did in the pre-existent life, the Lord is willing, if the Negro accepts the gospel with real, sincere faith, and is really converted, to give him the blessings of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. If that Negro is faithful all his days, he can and will enter the celestial kingdom. He will go there as a servant, but he will get celestial glory.

I unequivocally and completely disagree with everything that this Apostle had to say about blacks and the priesthood. Though I do not represent the Church in any way, it is also not my understanding of what the doctrine of the church teaches either. It was and remains his opinion.

Here's another from President Ezra Taft Benson; General Conference Report, October 1967

The Communist program for revolution in America has been in progress for many years and is far advanced. While it can be thwarted in a fairly short period of time merely by sufficient exposure, the evil effects of what has already been accomplished cannot be removed overnight. The animosities, the hatred, the extension of government control into our daily lives -- all this will take time to repair. The already-inflicted wounds will be slow in healing. But they can be healed; that is the important point.

First of all, we must not place the blame upon Negroes. They are merely the unfortunate group that has been selected by professional Communist agitators to be used as the primary source of cannon fodder. Not one in a thousand Americans -- black or white -- really understands the full implications of today's civil rights agitation. The planning, direction, and leadership come from the Communists, and most of those are white men who fully intend to destroy America by spilling Negro blood, rather than their own.

Next, we must not participate in any so-called "blacklash" activity which might tend to further intensify inter-racial friction. Anti-Negro vigilante action, or mob action, of any kind fits perfectly into the Communist plan. This is one of the best ways to force the decent Negro into cooperating with militant Negro groups. The Communists are just as anxious to spearhead such anti-Negro actions as they are to organize demonstrations that are calculated to irritate white people.

We must insist that duly authorized legislative investigating committees launch an even more exhaustive study and expose the degree to which secret Communists have penetrated into the civil rights movement. The same needs to be done with militant anti-Negro groups. This is an effective way for the American people of both races to find out who are the false leaders among them.

He seems to be saying that the civil rights movement, something that was absolutely essential and vital to the progress of our country as a nation, was actually a communist movement, and black americans were simply ignorant pawns in this process, rather than a terribly subjugated population that cried for equality. I find this to be paranoid, and whether or not there were communists that attempted to capitalize on the civil rights movement, the core of the civil rights movement was just that, giving rights to those that had next to none.

This one is from Bruce R. McConkie, member of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles; Mormon Doctrine, p. 114

In a broad general sense, caste systems have their root and origin in the gospel itself, and when they operate according to the divine decree, the resultant restrictions and segregation are right and proper and have the approval of the Lord. To illustrate: Cain, Ham, and the whole Negro race have been cursed with a black skin, the mark of Cain, so they can be identified as a caste apart, a people with whom the other descendants of Adam should not intermarry. (Gen. 4; Moses 5.) The whole house of Israel was chosen as a peculiar people, one set apart from all other nations (Ex. 19:5-6; Deut. 7:6; 14:2); and they were forbidden to marry outside their own caste. (Ex. 34:10-17; Deut. 7:1-5.) In effect the Lamanites belonged to one caste and the Nephites to another, and a mark was put upon the Lamanites to keep the Nephites from intermixing with and marrying them. (Alma 3:6-11.) All this is not to say that any race, creed, or caste should be denied any inalienable rights. But it is to say that Deity in his infinite wisdom, to carry out his inscrutable purposes, has a caste system of his own, a system of segregation of races and peoples. The justice of such a system is evident when life is considered in its true eternal perspective. It is only by a knowledge of pre-existence that it can be known why some persons are born in one race or caste and some in another. "However, in a broad general sense, caste systems have their origin in the gospel itself, and when they operate according to the divine decree, the resultant restrictions and segregation are right and proper and have the approval of the lord. 

This is NOT the position of the church as I understand it. I do NOT believe that black people are from the "mark of Cain." While I love Bruce R. McConkie, he was seriously off base. He was drawing from his life experiences, and his own personal feelings, NOT any church doctrine that I have ever read.

From Joseph Fielding Smith Doctrines of Salvation:

There were no neutrals in the war in heaven. All took sides either with Christ or with Satan. Every man had his agency there, and men receive rewards here based upon their actions there, just as they will receive rewards hereafter for deeds done in the body. The Negro, evidently, is receiving the reward he merits.

No doctrine of the church that I have been able to find teaches that "The Negro" or black people, were less righteous than anyone else.

In short, these well-meaning inspired men tried to attach meaning to something that really had none. They didn't know why God didn't want blacks to hold the priesthood, any more than you or I do today. They simply didn't hold it. There were some who were in fact given the priesthood by Joseph Smith. For some reason that stopped, for no reason that we understand, and then given back, again for no reason that we understand. Joseph Smith gave women the authority to give blessings. That practice was also taken away. As stated by Elder Oaks during Priesthood session, women hold the priesthood in the temple under the direction of the temple president in an extremely similar way I hold the priesthood under the direction of my Bishop and Stake President. 

As stated by Elder Oaks during the Priesthood session last night:

"...they are not free to alter the divinely decreed pattern that only men will hold offices in the priesthood."

This has been the divine pattern for some time, but I have yet to see anything that says it will always unequivocally be thus. I feel that the issue of women and the priesthood is similar to blacks and the Priesthood. I appreciate much of what Elder Oaks had to say. I appreciate that he feels that women will never hold the priesthood, but it's important for all of us to remember that this is God's priesthood, and He will determine who holds offices within it, and should he reveal that women will hold it, then they will, end of story. It's not our job to speculate why, or declare whether they will or wont, any more than it was the job of these earlier church leaders to speculate on the same topic as it relates to race. The answer should be "no they don't hold the priesthood, I don't know why."

Let me be clear that I am not advocating for trying to force the Prophet to give women the Priesthood. Never has this been the pattern, and never will it be. I'm simply drawing a correlation between two circumstances that I see as similar. Please don't take this as me going apostate, or going rogue, I'm simply voicing my opinion that God will give His Priesthood to whomever He wants, and just because it's "always been this way" doesn't mean it always will.

Many might become frustrated with this post because I'm pointing out some of our ugly past. Well, brothers and sisters, it is our past. Don't be ignorant of it, own it. We are not infallible. One way or another, history will justify the truthfulness of the Gospel. If God really doesn't want his daughters to hold the Priesthood, then they won't. If He does, then they will, and either way it will be right. 

In closing, I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. I know that it was restored throught he Prophet Joseph Smith. I know that the Book of Mormon is Scripture, and that studying it, and applying it into ones life will bring an individual closer to God than anything else will. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is God's Prophet on the earth today. I am grateful for the power of the Priesthood, and know that it is God's power given to His children to bring about His eternal purposes. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Reynolds High School shooting; A Call to Love

I've taken a little while to write something substantial regarding the shooting recently at Reynolds High School. It has been, and will continue to be, something that is terribly difficult to process; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My heart brakes for the families that have been directly affected by this tragedy. Two young men with limitless potential have been taken from us, and my heart breaks for what might have been.

What pains me even more than this, is seeing some of the reactions of my fellow human beings. Before the parents had even been notified, political parties were rallying their troops trying to push their agenda's. Looking at Jared's Facebook page broke my heart, as I saw countless of his classmates, his "friends" calling him the most vile of names. While deep anger and grief are merited in such instances as this, such sheer hatred as I saw there has no place.

Then watching the news media as they pulled his picture from his Facebook page, hearing about them relentlessly seeking interviews with his friends, sending them text messages, like dogs fighting over a scrap of meat they slavered for any information they could get. Refusing to let his friends grieve. Then watching as they threw their "stories" up on Facebook as so-called "adults" attacked not only Jared, but his parents, and at times, his religion.

Is it any surprise, in a society that not only condones but encourages such blatant and utter hatred of our fellow human beings, that shootings occur?

While some turn this into politics, and others want to point fingers at the shooter and his family, and yet others want to take it a step further and scream and yell obscenities at Jared and his family, I say take this opportunity to examine yourself. There is a sickness within our very culture. The sickness of pride. The idea that we need to do it all on our own, and everyone else should as well, and that we can't reach out to others and help them in their time of need.

How might this story have been completely different if we took responsibility for each other as we should. If we stopped being so quick to judge, so immediate to run to our political opinions, and cutting down those that we feel aren't as "enlightened" as we are.

I have chosen to go into pastoral counseling because almost no one was there for me when I went through my dark times. I was very nearly a sad statistic, not exactly like these two young men-teenage suicide rarely gets national coverage-and it was only because of the intervention of friends that I was able to make it through.

Somehow, we as a people failed Jared and Emilio.

Among the Iroquois, it is the responsibility of the entire clan to look out for each other. When one is harmed, all are. There was a time when the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" was actually practiced. No more. Now it is up to the immediate family, often just the parents, to raise a child, and when that family is reduced to one either through divorce or untimely death or never having been "nuclear" in the first place suddenly those odds look pretty grim.

It's time to stop shifting blame. It's time to stop saying "he did this, I had nothing to do with it." It's time to stop saying "it was all his parents fault." It is time to start asking "do I really love my neighbor? Do I even know my neighbor?" Because yes, Jared-or someone like him-IS my neighbor, and he or she is in some way my responsibility.

The Master said "thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

Can we believe it again? Can we LIVE it again? Can we love each other? Can we be our brothers or sisters keeper? Can we accept when we fail, and try to do better in the future? To me the RHS shooting, and every shooting before it, is a clarion call to rise up. Not to enact new legislation, because this problem is not about any law that can actually be enforced, or to get furiously angry, and scream obscenities to the sky and blast your vitriol on Facebook, but to shake off these chains that keep us from being all that we truly can be. It is time to love each other, to care for each other, to be concerned with each other. To be united. If we fail to heed this call, then we are doomed to continue on this same path, wringing our hands and repeating the mistakes of our past.

My Response to the so-called "Frozen Gay Agenda" as posted by "A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman"

To clarify for those of you reading this for the first time, a popular blogger posted about the movie Frozen, trying to say that it was "pushing the gay agenda." I wrote this in response.

If you agree with the statements contained here, whether LDS or not, please share this-we need to let the world know that we are not paranoid homophobics, but followers of Christ.

First of all; if you post vulgar or negative language on this post, it will be deleted. Thank you.

For your information: The bolded comments starting with A Kingdom of isolation are the parts of the song Let it Go that this individual felt were promoting the gay agenda, and my response to them.

I've read your entire blog post, and I completely disagree. As a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, pursuing a Masters Degree in Divinity, currently a Chaplain Candidate in the United States Army, I couldn't disagree more in fact. After watching Frozen I felt that it teaches not only Christian Values, but LDS Values specifically. In fact, I've already framed a fireside that could be between 1 and 2 hours based entirely on the song "Let it Go" allow me to respond to the italics that you have chosen to focus on in your attack on this song that has so much potential for teaching our youth.

A kingdom of isolation: Most if not all individuals will feel this way throughout their lives. Having conducted extensive work with youth both inside and outside of the church, this is especially the case among that group. Satan's plan is to try and isolate us, divide and conquer is his goal.

And it looks like, I'm the queen: We are all royalty. We have a royal birthright. Whether Kings or Queens, we are all royals in embryo.

Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I've tried: One of the strongest messages that the LDS culture (NOT THE RELIGION, THE CULTURE) teaches is we have to be perfect. Weaknesses are bad, and we need to hide them. I'll go into this again later as this theme is repeated in the song. The point is, many people struggle with keeping in their trials and struggles. They try and emulate what they think others want them to see. They are holding back on their potential, because they're afraid to show how they really feel.

Be the good girl you always have to be, conceal don't feel don't let them know: This is an outcry that many of the youth are silently screaming right now. "Be perfect, don't show your weakness, don't talk about the things that you are struggling with." I teach seminary, and I know that this is true. This is one of Satan's great lies, that you have to do it on your own, and you have to be perfect. This is the same struggle that the main character in Frozen has been struggling with. She has been taught that she needs to present a certain face to the world, and it's not who she is. It's time to be herself.

Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back any more: I can sum this up in one simple phrase: cast your burden upon the Lord. Stop carrying this terrible load that you've been carrying for possibly years. You don't have to carry it by yourself. Let. It. Go. This can also be related to forgiveness. You don't need to be burdened anymore. In context with the song, Be Yourself. Don't hide it any longer.

I don't care what they're going to say: Good. The only person you should care about impressing is Heavenly Father. This was my exact response when I found out that the Gospel was true. I bore my testimony to my parents, and immediately thereafter we began fighting, eventually this culminated in them kicking me out of their house because of my belief in the LDS Church. I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY! Let's scream it LOUD! Joseph Smith didn't either, and I'm thankful for that.

The fears that once controlled me: Fear is in opposition to faith, but many people fear what they don't know and don't understand. (As an aside, I feel that your entire paranoid blog post is a clear representation of your fear of homosexuality, but that's beside the point.) Everyone experiences fear, it doesn't matter who you are. Everyone has been controlled by fear at one point or another, it's time to LET IT GO. Let go of that fear.

It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through: What an awesome liberating principle of the Gospel. Let's see what we're capable of!

No right no wrong no rules for me, I'm free: When you've been living the commandments because you have to, because they've been forced upon you, they feel constricting and controlling. You begin to feel held down and held back by them, rather than liberated by them. You'll notice that she does continue to live by rules and standards throughout the rest of the movie, the difference is, she's now living them because it's her choice, because she has gained a testimony of them. There is a right and a wrong, but she wants to live them, she's not doing it because her overbearing parents have forced them upon her.

Here I stand and here I'll stay Let the storm rage on: STAND YE IN HOLY PLACES AND BE NOT MOVED

The Past is in the Past: Another wonderful gospel message. I've repented, it's time to move on. Let's not focus on the past.

I'll Rise like the break of dawn: Yes you will. As you embrace the Gospel you can't HELP but rise like the break of dawn. Christ lifts us from the dark, and brings us into the light.

The perfect girl is gone: Or at least the facade of the perfect girl or perfect boy. It's time to break down that wall, and embrace the wonderful, imperfect you. Ether teaches us, God gave men weakness that they may be humble, and His grace is sufficient for those that rely on Him... let's embrace the imperfect you, and rely on God to make up the rest

Here I stand in the light of day: No longer am I hiding in the dark, I'm in the Light, and I'm in the Light because He is in the Light, and has brought me out of the dark.

The cold never bothered me anyway: all of those things that I thought were huge issues that kept me from running the Savior, they were nothing. This is everything. I can recognize now that those were small, and His love and His infinite atonement has allowed me to conquer all.

Now this has taken me about fifteen minutes to compose. Your response to Frozen does nothing more than further establish a divide between the LDS Culture and the LDS Religion. Jesus Christ taught principles of love, compassion, and forgiveness, not bigotry, hatred, and paranoia. This posting does far more harm than good. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints it is imperative that we love as the Savior loved, and embrace good media, such as Frozen, for what it is-not try and look into it as something that it isn't, and was never meant to be.

To see the original posting you can visit: http://wellbehavedmormonwoman.blogspot.com/2014/02/movie-frozen-gay-homosexual-agenda.html#comment-form

If you agree with the statements contained here, whether LDS or not, please share this-we need to let the world know that we are not paranoid homophobics, but followers of Christ.